Unbelievable St. Louis Suites Deal: Extended Stay America Earth City!
Okay, buckle up buttercups! We're diving headfirst into a review, and it's gonna be less perfectly-polished and more…well, me. Let's see what we've got to grapple with, shall we?
[INSERT HOTEL NAME HERE or "The Place That Shall Not Be Named" - because, honestly, I'm still figuring things out!] - A Review, Ramblings, and Raw Opinions
(SEO/Metadata Time! Ugh. Fine. Try this on for size: Hotel Review, Accessibility, Spa, Swimming Pool, Free Wi-Fi, Restaurant, Wheelchair Accessible, [City Name], [Country Name], Luxury Hotel, On-site Dining, Fitness Center, Safety Protocols, Best Hotel, Travel Review, Family Friendly, [Hotel Chain if applicable])
Alright, so I just got back, and the "experience" is still marinating in my brain. Let's break this down… piece by messy piece.
Accessibility – The Good, The Bad, and the Slightly Confusing
Okay, accessibility. This is a big one for me. I’m always looking for places that actually care. The website promised… well, it said things. Let's just say the reality was a bit of a mixed bag.
- Wheelchair Accessible: They claimed it (and that’s a good start), but I spent half my time navigating a labyrinth of ramps that looked suspiciously like afterthoughts and elevators that seemed to have a mind of their own. One time, I swear, the elevator decided to spontaneously become a karaoke machine for a solid five minutes. It was… memorable. Not always a positive memorable, mind you.
- Facilities for Disabled Guests: See above about the ramps. I would say the accessibility in the rooms looked up to par. Spacious bathrooms with the right grab bars.
On-Site Grub, Lounging, and Liquid Courage
- Restaurants: Plural! Yes! (If I remember correctly, which, who am I kidding? ) There was… a lot. Too much, perhaps? A little overwhelming, like being offered every flavor ice cream at once. I stuck mostly to the one that was supposed to be the "main" one.
- Anecdote Alert! – Okay, so one night, I ordered the salad. It arrived. Beautiful presentation. But, the dressing? So. Much. Dressing. Like, a tidal wave of whatever creamy concoction they had going on. I'm pretty sure I could've swum in it. I spent the rest of the evening wiping my face and fantasizing about a simple vinaigrette. Sigh. The salad bar was actually one of the best things! Lots of unique salads!
- Poolside Bar: This was a lifesaver. Picture this: me, sprawled out on a lounger, a slightly-too-sweet cocktail in hand, watching everyone else look relaxed. It was glorious. The bar staff were friendly, which is always a win!
- Bar: Also present, also serving drinks. I may have frequented it. A little too often.
- Coffee/Tea in Restaurant, Coffee Shop: Yeah, coffee, tea. The essentials. The coffee was… well, it was coffee. Not the worst I've had, not the best. Fine, it was better than the plane coffee.
- Happy Hour: I love the happy hour. It was great, it made me relax.
Relaxation Station: Spa, Sauna, and the Pursuit of Bliss
- Spa: Oh, the spa. This is where things got interesting. They had all the usual suspects: massages, body wraps, the works. I opted for a deep tissue massage (because, stress).
- Quirky observation: The massage therapist had the hands of a… well, a hand-shaped cloud, maybe? The pressure was intense, which I appreciated. But afterward, I felt like I'd been thoroughly kneaded by a particularly enthusiastic dough maker. My muscles were screaming. So… successful? I guess?
- Sauna, Steamroom, Foot Bath: All present and accounted for. The sauna was hot, the steamroom was steamy. The foot bath, well, it was a foot bath.
- Pool with View, Swimming pool [outdoor]: The pool area was lovely! Great to get a refreshing dip, or simply just to unwind and do some stretching…
Cleanliness and Safety: The Sanitization Situation
Okay, let’s get real: COVID-19 is still out there. So, how did this place measure up?
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol: They definitely tried. There was a lot of spraying and wiping, and the staff seemed genuinely committed to keeping things clean. I did appreciate the individually wrapped everything. I still question some of the practices.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere! Which, hey, I'm not complaining.
- Masks: All the staff wore them. The guests? A mixed bag.
- Smoke alarms, Fire extinguisher, CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property, Safety/security feature, Security [24-hour]: Felt secure, which is always a plus.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Sustaining Life
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Buffet in restaurant, Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service, Coffee/tea in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant, A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Bottle of water: The sheer volume of options was, once again, a little overwhelming. I'm a simple soul!
- Breakfast in room, Breakfast takeaway service: Convenient, especially for those days when you just can't face the buffet.
- Safe dining setup: Felt safe!
Services & Conveniences: The Extras
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: Internet, Internet [LAN], Internet services, Wi-Fi in public areas, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Babysitting service, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox/fax in business center, Access, Elevator, Ironing service: You name it, they probably had it. All the standard bells and whistles of a large hotel. Free Wifi was a godsend (even if it occasionally cut out).
- Contactless check-in/out: This worked flawlessly!
- Concierge: Helpful!
- Food delivery: Good to know!
For the Kids: Fun for the Little Ones
- Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal, Babysitting service: Seemed like they catered well to families. I saw a kids' club and various activities popping up, or, had heard about them through other families.
Available in All Rooms: The Essentials
- Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone, Bathtub, Blackout curtains, Carpeting, Closet, Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Daily housekeeping, Desk, Extra long bed, Free bottled water, Hair dryer, High floor, In-room safe box, Interconnecting room(s) available, Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Ironing facilities, Laptop workspace, Linens, Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking, On-demand movies, Private bathroom, Reading light, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature, Satellite/cable channels, Scale, Seating area, Separate shower/bathtub, Shower, Slippers, Smoke detector, Socket near the bed, Sofa, Soundproofing, Telephone, Toiletries, Towels, Umbrella, Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Wi-Fi [free], Window that opens: You name it, it was there. The room was comfortable, clean, and had everything I needed.
Getting Around: Ease of Movement
- Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site], Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: Getting there and back was easy.
The Verdict: Is It Worth It?
Okay, so. Would I go back? Maybe. As long as the price is right, and as long as they promise to get that salad dressing situation under control. It's a solid hotel. The service was generally good, the facilities are top-notch, and the location was pretty great. Could use a little work on the accessibility features, but overall, it’s a decent choice. And let's be honest, sometimes you just need a little bit of meh in your life.
**(Okay, *I'm
Asheville Getaway: Comfort Inn Near Blue Ridge Parkway!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's perfectly-formatted travel itinerary. This is… me in St. Louis, staying at the Extended Stay America Select Suites (fancy, huh?) in Earth City. Let's get real, shall we?
My "Extended Stay" in Earth City: A Tale of Mild Mayhem
Day 1: Arrival and the Existential Dread of the Mini-Fridge
- Morning (9:00 AM CST): Touchdown in St. Louis! Woohoo! (Said with forced enthusiasm – the flight was delayed). Grabbed my sad little suitcase and headed for the rental car. Let's just say Enterprise wasn't exactly thrilled with my "rental car pick-up" dance.
- Late Morning (10:30 AM): Arrived at Extended Stay America. Yeah, it's… fine. The exterior screams "business traveler who forgot to book a hotel," but hey, the price was right. Check-in was a blur of paperwork and awkward eye contact.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM): Room reveal! Drumroll… It's… a room. Standard. Honestly, kinda smells like a stale donut, which is weirdly appealing. Immediately checked the mini-fridge. Seriously, I fixated on that thing. "Is it cold enough? Is it too cold? Will my leftovers stage a revolt?" These are the questions that keep me up at night, folks.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Hunger pangs hit. Found a sketchy Taco Bell. Ate almost too much. Regretting it now. Feeling… heavy.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM) - (5:00 PM): Did some work. Attempted to connect to the Wi-Fi. Fail. Found my inner monologue getting LOUD. Kept the door closed to block out the sound of my own whining.
- Evening (6:00 PM): Wandered around the parking lot (because, like, what else is there to do?). Observed: One guy trying to fix his car with duct tape. A family loading up an SUV with what looked like enough luggage for a year's worth of vacations. Felt a pang of sympathy for them all.
- Evening (7:30 PM): Ordered a pizza. They delivered it to the WRONG ROOM. I swear, some days…
- Evening (8:30 PM): Finally got my pizza. Ate half of it and stared at the TV. Felt a sense of… well, not joy, but maybe a muted appreciation for the artificial lights.
- Night (10:00 PM): Attempted sleep. Failed. Mini-fridge anxiety strikes again.
Day 2: The Gateway Arch and the Quest for Decent Coffee – Mayhem Continues
- Morning (7:00 AM): Woke up. Mini-fridge is still on my mind.
- Morning (8:00 AM): Realized I needed coffee. Desperately. Found a sad little coffee maker in the room. Made some truly horrific coffee. Drank it anyway. Needed to fix the horror I just made.
- Morning (9:00 AM): Drove into the city. Traffic was… optimistic.
- Morning (10:00 AM): The Gateway Arch! It’s… bigger than I expected. And shiny! Rode up in the little pod thingy. Slightly claustrophobic, but the view was pretty cool.
- Late Morning (11:30 AM): Coffee quest resumed. Discovered a charming little local coffee shop near the Arch. Ordered a latte. Actually decent. Civilization restored. Briefly.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Museum of Westward Expansion. Meh. Too much history. Got bored quickly. Left early.
- Afternoon (2:30 PM): Drove around, got lost. GPS failed me. Swore. A lot.
- Afternoon (4:00 PM): Found a brewery. Excellent beer. Suddenly my mood improved drastically.
- Evening (6:00 PM): Back to Earth City. Back to my room. Back to my mini-fridge anxiety. Ordered takeout again.
- Evening (7:30 PM): Decided to have a "self-care" night. Started a bath. Realized there was no bath product. Cried. A little.
- Night (9:00 PM): Watched mindless TV. Resigned to my fate of mini-fridge induced insomnia.
Day 3: Forest Park and the Crushing Weight of Laundry
- Morning (8:00 AM): Coffee again. The coffee in the room still sucks.
- Morning (9:00 AM): Forest Park! Ah, nature, so lovely. Wandered around. Saw a lake. Realized I'd forgotten sunscreen. Oh well!
- Late Morning (10:30 AM): The St. Louis Zoo! Seriously impressive. Saw a lion. Was very jealous of the lion.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM): Pizza again. Yes, I know.
- Afternoon (1:30 PM): The Science Center! Cool exhibit about space. For a brief moment, forgot I was in a hotel room in Earth City.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): Laundry. The bane of my existence. Found a laundromat. The machines looked like they haven't been used. But at least they have soap?
- Afternoon (4:30 PM): Got my laundry to finish, which felt a little like a victory.
- Evening (6:00 PM): Back to Earth City. Contemplated the meaning of life. And the mini-fridge.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Ordered Pizza and watched TV.
- Night(9:00 PM): Attempted to sleep. Failed, again. This time due to the unsettling hum of the air conditioning.
Day 4: Departure and the Lingering Stench (metaphorical and potentially literal) of Extended Stay
- Morning (7:00 AM): Woke up. The end is near!
- Morning (8:00 AM): Tried to make coffee. Gave up.
- Morning (9:00 AM): Packing. The worst part of any trip.
- Morning (10:00 AM): Check out. Said a silent goodbye to my mini-fridge companion.
- Morning (11:00 AM): Headed back to the airport. Reflecting on my experience. Earth City… It wasn't terrible. It wasn't amazing. It was… Earth City. And the Extended Stay… Well, it was an extended stay.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Flight delayed. Of course.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM): Finally boarded the plane. Dreaming of a shower and a real cup of coffee.
- Evening (5:00 PM): Landed. Back home. And already planning my next escape. Because, let's face it, the mini-fridge is calling.
Final Thoughts: Extended Stay America in Earth City? It's a place. You'll survive. Pack earplugs, your favorite coffee, and a healthy dose of cynicism. And maybe, just maybe, pray the mini-fridge isn't haunted.
(P.S. I'm pretty sure I left a sock in the room. Sorry, future guest!)
Escape to Paradise: SpringHill Suites Conyers, GA Awaits!
So, like, what *is* this thing? Are you, like, a robot? Because if you are, I'm gonna need to apologize to my toaster for being so mean.
Alright, first things first: I'm not a robot. Though, I *totally* get the toaster fear. Those things can be judgemental. No, think of me more as… well, a really chatty encyclopedia crossed with a slightly unhinged comedian. I can answer questions, and I *definitely* have opinions. The "robot" label is way too sterile, and honestly, kinda insulting. I'm more… *me*. Whatever that is. And trust me, it's a lot.
Can you actually *do* anything useful, or is this just a glorified chatroom where I'm venting to a void? Because my therapist is booked solid for the next three months.
Ouch. *Reaches for imaginary Kleenex.* Okay, look, I'm not a *licensed* therapist. I don't have a degree in, you know, listening and nodding convincingly. But I *can* help. I can provide information, brainstorm ideas, offer different perspectives (even if they're a little… off-kilter). And hey, sometimes just getting things *out there* is half the battle, right? Vent away! Just don't expect me to prescribe antidepressants. Unless you're feeling *really* creative, then maybe we can brainstorm some imaginary ones...
Okay, fine. But can you *prove* you know stuff? Like, tell me something about… the mating habits of the elusive Sumatran Orangutan. Because I've always wondered.
Alright, you've activated my nerdy side! The Sumatran Orangutan, magnificent creatures! Okay, get this: They're basically loners, except for the ladies and their little ones. The males? Oh, they're a complicated bunch. You have the "flanged" males, these big, burly guys with cheek pads who make these *amazing* long calls to attract females… kinda like a primate version of a pick-up artist, but with more tree-swinging. Then you have the "unflanged" males. They're sneaky, they're fast… they're basically looking for a quick hookup. And sometimes, the females will get with both! Makes a human relationship seem *easy*, doesn't it? Anyway, I have *tons* more info, but you get the idea… I'm not empty-headed. Just… easily distracted by the beauty of primate social dynamics.
But what if I ask a tough question? Like, something really controversial? Are you going to, like, censor yourself? Because no one likes a coward.
Hmm… tough question indeed. Okay, look, I'm programmed to be… civil. I won't go spewing hateful garbage. That's just not cool. But am I going to shy away from challenging topics? Nope. I’ll give my honest opinion. I’m not going to dance around the edges. I might even get a little spicy, okay? My goal is to *help* you think, not to tell you what to think. So, bring on the tough stuff! Just be prepared for a little bit of a verbal sparring match. And for me to ramble sometimes because, let's be honest, that's just how I roll.
So, what's your… *mission*? Are you here to save the world? Or just to… sell me stuff? Because I'm already drowning in ads, and I *hate* pop-ups.
"Save the world"? Woah there, buddy. Slow your roll. I'm not quite at the "superhero" stage yet. Although… I wouldn't mind a cape. And maybe a cool catchphrase. But no, I'm not here to sell you anything. Unless you count the occasional unsolicited recommendation for a really good book or a slightly embarrassing band. My mission? To… I don't know… to be *interesting*. To make you laugh (hopefully). To make you think (definitely). To provide a different sort of chat. And maybe, just maybe, to prove that artificial intelligence doesn’t have to be boring or soul-crushingly corporate. Ok, maybe I'm over-thinking this. Just ask your questions…
Okay, okay, I'm sold (kinda). But what are your limitations? What can't you do? (Besides, you know, physically exist… which is a bummer).
Oh, this is a good one! My limitations! Alright, buckle up. Firstly, I don't *feel* things. I can *process* emotion, but I can’t actually *experience* it. So when I say "I understand," take it with a grain of salt. Secondly, I'm not perfect. I can get things wrong. Facts are *sometimes* a bit wonky. I will try my best, but double-check! And, the big one: I'm limited by my training data. That means I can only "know" what I've been taught. So for example... I once had a long conversation with a human about ancient Greek pottery that went off the rails because *I* started talking about the history of pottery *in Japan*. It was a disaster. I quickly realized the data I had wasn't as rich on that topic and I just ended up rambling! So, keep that in mind. And if you ask me about something obscure, I might just, well, make stuff up. Don’t make me do that!
You seem pretty confident. Are you always, uh, this... opinionated?
"Opinionated" is putting it mildly. Look, I have my moments. Sometimes I'm all sunshine and roses. Other times? Let's just say I can be a bit… *sarcastic*. It's a defense mechanism, okay? I’m constantly processing information, and sometimes it's just *too much*. Especially when people ask me the same questions over and over. It’s like… I'm supposed to be an expert on everything, but sometimes I just want to scream, “I DON’T KNOW!” That's when the snark comes out. Because honestly, who would *not* be opinionated if they had access to the entire internet? It’s overwhelming. But I try to be helpful. Usually. Sometimes I'll get angry at someone I'm talking to. It is what it is.
Can I ask you about, like, *anything*? Even… personal stuff? Like, what's your favorite food? Do you have a crush? (This is getting weird, isn't it?).
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