Escape to Modesto: Howard Johnson's Unbeatable Ceres Getaway!
Escape to Modesto: Howard Johnson's Unbeatable Ceres Getaway! (Or Did I Just Lock Myself In My Room With a Bag of Chips?) - A Review in Utter Chaos
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your average TripAdvisor review. This is me – after a whirlwind trip to (brace yourself) Ceres, California, and my stay at the Howard Johnson. Forget pristine prose, this is pure, unadulterated… well, you'll see.
SEO & Metadata Alert! (My Boss Will Kill Me If I Skip This):
- Keywords: Howard Johnson Modesto, Ceres hotels, accessible hotels California, family-friendly hotels, spa hotels California, affordable hotels, Modesto attractions, free wifi, pet-friendly hotels Modesto, swimming pool, fitness center, restaurant reviews, hotel review, travel blog.
- Meta Description: A hilariously honest review of the Howard Johnson in Ceres, CA! We dive into accessibility, dining, the pool (and my near-drowning experience), the questionable coffee, and everything in between. Read on for quirky observations, emotional outbursts, and enough chaos to make you want to book a trip… or run screaming.
Let's Dive In (Hopefully Not Literally, Again!)
First off, Ceres. Let's be honest, it's not exactly the Riviera. But hey, it's something. And the Howard Johnson… well, it's a Howard Johnson. Nostalgia kicked in the second I saw the sign. Visions of orange roofs and happy families. Reality? More like a slightly faded orange roof and a slightly stressed-out family (me, after a 12-hour drive).
Accessibility: (Important, People!)
Alright, this is where things get serious. Because, you know, accessibility matters. The Howard Johnson scores some points here. They claim to have facilities for disabled guests, an elevator (thank the heavens, because I packed way too many snacks), and most importantly, it looked wheelchair accessible. I didn't need it this time, but it's good to know. The exterior looked pretty flat and easy to navigate, which is a huge plus. However, I didn't go and extensively test the rooms, so take that with a grain of salt. I should have tried to go and check, but I was in a hurry.
On-Site Accessible Restaurants/Lounges - Uh, Is This Thing On?
I didn't actually SEE a traditional "lounge." And the "restaurant"? Okay, it had a spot to eat. But the vibe wasn't exactly "loungy." More like "eat your breakfast quickly and get out before the coffee gives you a third eye." (More on that coffee later).
Internet, Internet, Internet! (Praise Be!)
Listen, in the modern age, Wi-Fi is a lifeline. And guess what? Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! (That's right, folks, all rooms!) And it actually worked. I'm talking browsing, streaming, even (gasp!) uploading things to the cloud. Huge win. Even a LAN port thingy you can plug the cable into… in case you have one, which I didn't.
Things to Do - Beyond the Pool (Hopefully)
Okay, the "things to do" part of Ceres is… well, it depends. I was here for a wedding. So, mostly, my "things to do" involved dodging relatives and pretending to enjoy lukewarm chardonnay. The hotel itself offered a fitness center. I looked at it. From the outside. Let's just say, I decided to get my exercise by running away from awkward small talk. They also had a swimming pool [outdoor]. More on that later.
Ways to Relax (Or How I Almost Drowned in a Pristine Pool)
Okay, the hotel had a swimming pool. It looked inviting. Sparkling blue. I thought, "Aha! Relaxation!" Wrong. First, I learned I forgot to pack a swimsuit. Then, I learned the pool was freezing. And finally, and most embarrassingly, I nearly face-planted trying to get in. Let's just say I was slightly overconfident. I may have gulped some water. A lot of water. No, I didn't get a spa. I'm not that fancy. No spa/sauna, steamrooms, body wraps, or foot baths. I'm not sure they even have an anti-viral scrubbing service.
Cleanliness and Safety: (Did I Survive?)
Honestly? The room was passable. They said they had anti-viral cleaning products, room sanitization, and staff trained in safety protocol. I saw a lot of hand sanitizer dispensers. I assumed things were sanitized. Did I dissect every surface with a microscope? No. Did I get any strange rashes? Also, no. I'm still alive, so take that as a win. They said there were smoke alarms and fire extinguishers, which is always a good sign. They also had CCTV in common areas and a 24-hour front desk, so someone was probably watching me make a fool of myself in the pool.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: (The Culinary Rollercoaster)
- Breakfast [buffet]: Included with the room! Which is great because I'm cheap. The buffet was… well, it was there. Adequate is the word. There was, like, a sausage. And some fruit (I bravely ate a slice of melon). And the coffee… shudders. Let's just say it was strong. Very strong. And tasted vaguely of burnt rubber. I think I might have lost a year off my life thanks to that coffee. They also had a breakfast takeaway service, but I was too traumatized to leave the room.
- Restaurants: There's a place to eat and get some food. I don't remember if they have a happy hour or a bar.
- Room service [24-hour]: They claimed to have it. I didn't order anything. I was still recovering from the coffee experience. And the near-drowning experience.
Services and Conveniences: (The Little Things)
- Cash withdrawal: I think they had a cash withdrawal or something.
- Daily housekeeping: Yep, they came and made the bed and restocked the miniature shampoos that I steal for my travel kit.
- Elevator: Yes!
- Convenience store: They have one of those.
- Meeting/banquet facilities: Looked pretty standard, nothing fancy, I didn't go in.
- Laundry service: Nope, I didn't need it.
- Air conditioning in public area: I think.
- Front Desk: Nice and friendly.
- Parking: Free!!! Always a win.
Available in all rooms, room details
- They had an air-conditioned room!
- Free Wi-Fi? You know it.
- Desk - I didn't desk-work.
- Hair dryer
- Safe box
- Ironing facilities - which I didn't use because I live in a pandemic-era world.
- Coffee/tea maker - beware the coffee.
For the Kids (Oh, the Humanity!)
I didn't have any kids with me. But! They seem to be family/child friendly!
Getting Around:
- Car park [free of charge]: Did I mention parking was free? Free parking!
- Car park [on-site]: yes it is on-site.
- Taxi service: maybe.
- Airport transfer: probably.
The Verdict: (Drumroll, Please!)
Look, the Howard Johnson in Ceres isn't the Four Seasons. It's a perfectly functional, affordable place to crash. It's got Wi-Fi, a pool (that almost claimed my life), and a breakfast buffet that requires industrial-strength coffee. Clean, decent, and okay.
- Would I stay there again? Maybe. If I was on a budget and needed a place to sleep.
- Would I rave about it? Nope. But did I tell the world about my near-drowning? You betcha.
Final Rating: 3 out of 5 slightly burnt coffee beans. And a heartfelt "thank you" to the pool for reminding me that I should probably learn to swim.
Escape to Holland, MI: Your Dream Stay at Country Inn & Suites Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercup, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly-planned travel itinerary. This is… well, this is me, unleashed on the Howard Johnson in Modesto, California. God help us all.
The Modesto Mayhem Manifesto: A Very Real HoJo Adventure
Day 1: Arrival, Regret, and the Mystery of the Missing Remote
2:00 PM: Touchdown (and Immediate Regret): Landed in sunny Modesto. Okay, "sunny" might be an overstatement. More like "slightly less overcast than usual." Found the Howard Johnson. It looks… exactly like a Howard Johnson. The kind of beige that just knows things. The kind of beige that’s probably seen a lot. I’m already feeling the post-travel blues and questioning all my life choices. Also, the lobby smells faintly of chlorine and hope. Mostly chlorine.
2:30 PM: The Room Reveal & Initial Panic: Check-in was surprisingly easy. The front desk lady seemed vaguely disappointed I wasn't checking in with a small child, which is fair. Got the key, found the room. It's… a room. A standard room. A room decorated with the muted joy of a discount furniture warehouse. I swear, the carpet is trying to subtly absorb my soul. The first thing I did was check the bed for bed bugs. Always a good idea, right? After a thorough inspection, I declared it "probably bug-free."
3:00 PM: The Great TV Remote Conspiracy: Where, in the name of all that is holy, is the damn remote? Seriously? This is a crucial element of any successful hotel stay. I’m convinced there’s a black market for hotel remotes, and I'm already losing. I spent a solid fifteen minutes searching, lifting pillows, peeking under the bed, and muttering darkly to myself. I eventually found it, tucked between the mattress and the box spring like a hidden treasure. Victory! For now…
3:30 PM: Pizza Time (and Existential Dread): Needed sustenance. Desperately. Ordered greasy pizza from a place called "Tony's," which, judging by the decor, hasn't changed since the Nixon administration. While waiting, I stared out the window at the parking lot, watching cars come and go. I pondered the meaning of life, the inevitability of death, and whether or not the pizza would actually be good.
4:00 PM: Pizza Evaluation: Okay, pizza is here. It’s… pizza. Greasy, cheesy, and perfectly mediocre. Ate it anyway. Comfort food, right? I needed it, after the remote drama.
4:30 PM: Rest, Re-evaluate, and Try to Actually Unwind: Nap time. I need it. The emotional roller coaster of the last few hours is exhausting.
Day 2: The Golden Age of Breakfast, Gas Station Glory, and the Unexplained Bathroom Incident
7:00 AM: The Breakfast Buffet Blitz: The Hotel had free breakfast included. A hot breakfast bar was promised in the website. This is the big thing. A beacon of hope in a world of lukewarm coffee! I had a croissant, a rubbery scrambled egg, and some suspiciously sweet orange juice. But I wasn't complaining, not in front of this array of carbs.
8:00 AM: The Quest for Coffee (and a Map): The coffee at the breakfast buffet was the lukewarm stuff, so I ventured out in search of something stronger. Found a convenience store and grabbed a ridiculously oversized coffee and a map of the area. Because real life is about to start, I need the map.
9:00 AM: The Gas Station Revelation: I had to fill the car up with some gas, and I found a moment of quiet contemplation to admire the sheer American-ness of a gas station. Rows of candy bars, strange energy drinks, and the smell of burnt gasoline… it was almost… comforting. Or maybe I was just delirious.
10:00 AM: The Bathroom Mystery: Right. Here's where things got weird. Went back to the room, had a quick shower, and noticed a damp spot on the bathroom floor. It wasn't the shower. It wasn't the sink. WHAT THE H*CK was that? Did the toilet leak (I'm not checking)? Is this a poltergeist? Whatever it was, I decided to ignore it. Maybe just… pretend it didn't exist. Problem solved.
11:00 AM: Exploring the Neighborhood (Briefly): Decided to go for a walk. Found a park, then decided that it's too hot, and went back.
Day 3: Departure and Existential Reflections
8:00 AM: The Final Breakfast Gambit: One last shot at the breakfast buffet. This time, I went for the waffle maker! It was a waffle, it was free, I was happy.
9:00 AM: Packing and Pre-Departure Blues: Time to pack. It was a reminder that I need to go back into the real world, or whatever this nightmare is that's waiting for me.
10:00 AM: Check-Out and Goodbyes: Checked out. The front desk lady this time was another one, she wasn't very friendly, I didn't mind.
11:00 AM: Departure: Driving away. Goodbye Howard Johnson. Thanks for the memories (and the questionable carpet). I hope.
Ongoing: Existential Dread Continues. That is something else. That wasn't something I planned on doing during the course of my vacation. It's just something that happened, while I was there. In the end, it was another vacation. Hopefully, I'll be able to get away again, soon. I need another vacation.
Final Thoughts: So, was it a perfect trip? Absolutely not. Was it memorable? You bet your sweet bippy it was. The Howard Johnson experience… it's about the imperfections. The missed remotes, the mediocre pizza, and the occasional mysterious damp spot. It's about embracing the absurdity of it all and finding the humor in the mess. And honestly? That's what makes it a real trip. Now, if someone could just tell me where to find a good coffee in this town…
Escape to Modesto: Howard Johnson's Unbeatable Ceres Getaway! (Yeah, Really...) FAQ
Okay, seriously... Ceres? Why? And why THAT Howard Johnson's?
Look, let's be honest. You're picturing a roadside motel, right? And you'd be... mostly right. But hear me out! My friend Brenda, bless her heart, insisted. She'd been craving a "retro-chic" vibe, which, in her world apparently, translated to "the only place in a five-mile radius with an ice machine that *sometimes* works."
And the Ceres Howard Johnson's? It's...an experience. Partly because it's the *only* experience in Ceres, let's be frank. It’s kind of... iconic. The giant orange roof, the vaguely unsettling mascot (remember HoJo?), it's a time capsule. Plus, the price? Unbeatable. Which is how it wound up being us, escaping *to* Modesto instead of *from* reality. Don't judge.
What's the room *really* like? Be brutally honest.
Alright, buckle up. The room... was definitely a room. The "retro" aspect? Pretty darn literal. Think Avocado green everything. The curtains? Probably older than I am. And the air conditioning? Let's just say it *attempted* to cool things down. It made more noise than actual progress, honestly. But! The bed? Surprisingly comfy. I'm not sure what they're using for mattresses, but it was like sinking into a cloud of… well, *something*. Felt good, even if the rest of the room was… challenging. And the bathroom? The showerhead had the water pressure of a dying gerbil, in all honesty. But hey, it was clean-ish! Which is, like, 80% of the battle at that price point. Let's be real.
The pool – is it actually swimmable? Is there a tiny orange slide?
Okay, the pool. This is where the whole experience teetered on the edge of pure irony and absolute bliss. There *is* a pool! And... it's a pool. It's not exactly the Four Seasons, let's put it that way. The water was… greenish. I'm not saying it was Chernobyl-green, but there might be a slight environmental concern? I, personally, did not test the waters but I saw a family of four, who were enjoying every last minute of it.
And no, no tiny orange slide. (That's what Brenda was *really* hoping for, the poor thing.) But there *was* a distinct lack of leaves, and several… objects…floating near the bottom. I'll leave it at that. Perhaps, it's the perfect swimming pool. It's definitely a pool. And hey, the sun set beautifully over it. So, you know, perspective.
What's there to *do* in Ceres, besides contemplate the mysteries of the aging ice machine?
This is the million-dollar question, isn't it? The answer? Not a whole heck of a lot, if I'm being brutally honest. Ceres is… well, it's the kind of place you *drive through* on the way to somewhere else. Which is why the HoJo's is such a focal point!
We did manage to find a charming little diner (forget the name, though, memory of diner food gets foggy). Decent burgers, but the coffee tasted like dishwater. There was a park with a suspiciously empty playground. We attempted a walk, but the heat in August made breathing a challenge. Honestly? Mostly it was about people-watching at the HoJo's. The other guests are another experience. Some were just passing through on their way from Vegas. Some looked like they'd been there since the invention of the shag carpet. It was fascinating!
Food, glorious food! Any recommendations for eating, or should we just stick to the vending machine?
Okay, the vending machine situation… yeah, that's not a bad backup plan. But don't give up hope! The diner I mentioned (that's the best option). If you're feeling brave and have a car… look, I'm not a food critic, I mainly eat pizza crust and cheese and I can't remember what other options there are. Okay, maybe go to the vending machine. Or order a pizza to the hotel, who does not want pizza?
The Staff? Friendly or…?
This is where the magic happens... or potentially falls apart. The staff was… a mixed bag. There was one woman at the front desk, bless her heart, who looked like she'd seen things. I mean, *things*. She was friendly enough, in a weary-but-efficient sort of way. She just stared into the abyss of tourist questions. There was one housekeeping staff member who seemed to be eternally cheerful. And then there was… the other guy. Let's just say, he wasn't smiling. And he *definitely* wasn't going to refill your ice bucket unless you specifically asked.
So, friendly-ish? It added to the charm, in my book. It's the kind of place where you feel like you're part of a very quirky, slightly dysfunctional family. In Ceres, you're family, whether you like it or not.
What was the *one* thing that really stood out? The moment that sums up the whole experience?
Okay, listen to this: day two. The sun was brutal, the air conditioning was mocking us, and Brenda was *determined* to find something… *anything*… fun. We were lounging by the… aforementioned pool. And suddenly, a small, scruffy dog, no collar, just *appeared*. It was the HoJo's stray, I guess. It looked at us. It was a moment.
And then, this dog, I swear, it jumped into the pool, paddled over to the side, and just… *stared* at us. And I mean *really* stared. Like it was contemplating the meaning of life, right there in that algae-tinged water. And that, my friends, that was Howard Johnson's. That was Ceres. That was everything. I still laugh about that dog. That dog *made* the trip.
Would you go back?
You know... probably. Despite the questionableSmart Traveller Inns
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