Unbelievable Deals: Ankeny's Super 8 - Your Dream Des Moines Getaway!
Unbelievable Deals: Ankeny's Super 8 - My Dream Des Moines Getaway… (Or Was It?) - A Superfluous Review
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because I'm about to unleash the raw, unfiltered truth about the Super 8 in Ankeny. Or, as I've lovingly dubbed it, my "Dream Des Moines Getaway." (Insert sarcastic eye roll here.) I'm not a professional reviewer, just a weary traveler who's seen some things, smelled some things, and frankly, needs a good rant. And hey, if this helps someone else avoid my epic hotel blunders, all the better. Let's dive in, shall we?
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Accessibility: (Can You Even Get Inside?)
Okay, so, I booked this place because… well, let's just say I was operting on a shoestring budget and desperation. Accessibility was supposed to be a thing. The website boasted "facilities for disabled guests," which, in my experience, can mean anything from a ramp that barely qualifies as a ramp to a full-blown, gold-plated palace of access.
The Reality Check: The ramp was… present. It wasn't terrible, but let's just say my grandma's walker would have had a field day. The hallways felt a little cramped, like a claustrophobic's nightmare, but, hey, at least there's an elevator! (Phew!) So, on the accessibility scale, I'd give it a solid…mediocre. Could be better, could be worse.
On-site Accessible Restaurants / Lounges: (Crickets chirping…)
Umm… let me think… restaurants? Lounges? Nope. Just a vending machine that maybe had a bag of stale chips. (My gut still doesn't trust that vending machine.) So, if you're expecting a culinary adventure, bring your own provisions.
Internet Access: (Pray for Speed!)
Free Wi-Fi? Yes! In all rooms! Hallelujah, finally! I needed a connection that would outlast my phone's battery life. You know, to actually get some WORK done. But the actual speed? Well, let’s just say I spent a good five minutes trying to load a Google search. And I may have let out a frustrated sigh that was also probably a scream. Don't expect to stream HD movies, unless you're a masochist.
Rooms: (My Fortress of Solitude… or, You Know, A Room)
Alright, the room itself… it was a room. With a bed. A king-size bed, which was nice. And honestly, after a long drive, all I need is a solid surface to crash on. The air conditioning was… functional. Blackout curtains? Surprisingly effective. My room (non-smoking… thank goodness!) had the usual motel amenities: basic toiletries, a mini-fridge, and a coffee maker. The coffee, thankfully, was at least drinkable.
Cleanliness and Safety: (Germs… Be Gone! (Maybe))
The website boldly claimed "Anti-viral cleaning products" and "Rooms sanitized between stays." Okay, I believed them. The room seemed tidy enough. And hey, they even had individually-wrapped food options and hand sanitizer stations. I'm still a little paranoid about germs, so I did a wipe-down myself with my own Clorox wipes, just in case. You know, trust but verify!
Dining & Drinking: (Food, Glorious… Food?)
Breakfast. The holy grail of budget travel. The Super 8 offered something called "breakfast," which included a continental spread with a waffle maker (yay!), but the sad, pre-cooked sausage was questionable. This particular breakfast, however, was the only item that stood out. I'm not sure why, but the sausage and the stale bagels haunted my dreams for weeks after.
The coffee, as mentioned, was okay. The lack of a proper bar or restaurant on site was a definite downside.
Services & Conveniences: (The Little Things)
The staff was friendly, but I’m not sure if they knew anything. They were trying their best. Check-in/out was easy. They had a convenience store with… well, stuff. And, hey, there's a car park. Car power charging stations too!
Things to Do & Ways to Relax: (Pool Time?)
Alright, the pool. The pool. The website had photos! Looked inviting. The reality? Well, it's an outdoor pool. The water was cool. The view? Of the parking lot. Still, a pool is a pool. After my horrifying breakfast session, I needed some distraction. I spent a good hour just floating around, thinking about how to escape to Hawaii.
…There was supposed to be a Fitness center… I think. I don't remember it.
For the Kids & Pets (Uh… Maybe Not?)
This place, definitely, is probably trying to cater to families. But I didn't see any kids around. This is a plus for me. I am alone.
Getting Around: (Navigating the Concrete Jungle)
Parking was free and plentiful. That's a win!
The Moment of Truth: (What did I REALLY think?)
Okay, here's the deal: the Super 8 in Ankeny isn't going to win any awards for luxury. It's budget. It's bare-bones. It's a place to crash. But you know what? It served its purpose. Is this a place I would choose as my first choice? Probably not. Would I stay there again if I was on a ridiculously tight budget and needed a place to lay my head? Maybe. Probably. The price was right, and I survived. And honestly, that's a win in my book. It's not a 'Dream Des Moines Getaway,' but it's good for a laugh, and a place to sleep.
My Emotional Rundown: Slightly disappointed, slightly relieved, a little bored, and maybe, just maybe, a little nostalgic. (Don’t judge me!)
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Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't gonna be your grandma's meticulously planned travel itinerary. We're diving headfirst into the swirling vortex of Ankeny, Iowa, baby! And look, I'm crashing at the Super 8 by Wyndham Ankeny/Des Moines Area. Glamorous, right? (Don't judge, it's the budget-friendly option, and hey, even the Ritz has its rough days).
The Ankeny Adventure: A Totally Unorganized Guide (aka, My Psyche's Playground)
Day 1: Arrival and Utter Bewilderment (and Pizza)
1:00 PM - Arrival at Super 8 (and the existential dread of being in Ankeny): Okay, so navigation was a disaster. GPS kept telling me to turn into cornfields (Iowa, surprise!). Finally, I stumble into the Super 8. The lobby? Let's just say it screams "functionality." It’s a symphony of beige and flickering fluorescent lights. The front desk guy, bless his heart, looked like he'd seen things. I think he might have mumbled something about a key card… I think it’s time for a vacation.
1:30 PM - Room Debrief. Okay, the room doesn't smell like stale cigarette smoke! That's a win. But the blanket? Thin. The artwork? Abstract and questionable (is that a flock of mutated chickens?). I'm trying to settle in, but the sheer vastness of the Iowa sky is making me feel… small. And slightly hungry.
2:30 PM - Pizza Quest and Local Lore: MUST. FIND. PIZZA. I consulted Yelp (a lifesaver!) and found a local place called "Jethro's BBQ Lakehouse." BBQ and Lakehouse? In Ankeny? Intriguing. I mean, if they can’t do a good pizza, the BBQ better be legendary. The place was buzzing. Smells of hickory smoke and something deep-fried (possibly happiness?). I order a pizza. Let's see if Iowa pizza can redeem this whole situation.
4:00 PM - Pizza Verdict and Unexpected Epiphany: The pizza was… okay. Not the transcendent experience I’d hoped for, but the atmosphere? Pure Iowa charm. I overheard a conversation about the best way to grow pumpkins. Pumpkins! Suddenly, I felt a strange sense of… belonging? Maybe it was the pizza. Maybe it was the sheer normalcy of it all. Whatever. I'll take it.
7:00 PM - Evening Stroll and a Touch of Loneliness: I took a walk around the hotel. The sidewalks are eerily empty. I realize: it's quiet here. Too quiet. I start questioning my life choices. Was this the right trip? Am I even a real person? I buy a bag of chips from the vending machine. The chips are my friends.
8:00 PM - TV Time/Netflix and Bedtime: Watched some mindless TV. Found a lifetime movie. Cried a little. Ate chips. Went to bed.
Day 2: Embracing the Mundane (and a Deep Dive into Water Parks)
8:00 AM - Breakfast of Champions (and Coffee that Tastes Like Hope): The free breakfast at the Super 8. Let's just say the word "gourmet" isn't exactly in its vocabulary. Powdered eggs. Pre-packaged pastries. Coffee that tastes like lukewarm sadness. But hey, at least there's coffee. Coffee is my reason to live. Coffee, you get me through.
9:00 AM - Adventureland (The Epicenter of Ankeny Fun): Okay, this is it, folks. I'm heading to Adventureland. It's the big one, supposedly. The pinnacle of Iowa entertainment: rollercoaster, water slides, and the sweet smell of fried sugar. I am utterly and completely terrified, but also excited.
9:30 AM - 9:30 PM - Adventureland Waterpark Experience: OKAY, let's talk about this. Adventureland Waterpark. It started great. The sun was out, I was optimistic. I went on the lazy river, the slides, the whole shebang. Then, as the day wore on and the crowds swelled, things devolved. The lines were insane. I spent longer waiting than actually doing. The water, I suspect, wasn't getting the best circulation. I got a mild sunburn. A child, I swear, spit water directly in my face. I also maybe had an argument with a teenage lifeguard about footwear policy. I lost.
Adventureland Breakdown (Deep Dive): Rollercoasters and Broken Dreams: The rollercoasters were fun but also a little…tired. Like me. I tried a stomach-churning ride called the "Monster". My stomach felt like it had been through a blender. Did I scream? Yes, I did. Did I regret it? For about 15 seconds, and then the next ride I was up to the challenge.
Emotional Rollercoaster (Water Park Edition): My emotional state was all over the place. Pure joy at the top of a speed slide, followed by crushing disappointment in the lukewarm french fries. I saw couples getting engaged, families playing, and a kid throwing up on a bench. The human condition, on full display.
Post-Adventureland Debrief: I'm physically and emotionally drained. I smell vaguely of chlorine and regret. This afternoon nap is necessary.
5:00 PM - Dinner at a "Family Restaurant": I found a "family restaurant" online. It's a place that serves meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and green beans—the holy trinity of American comfort food. Comfort food is what I need right now.
6:30 PM - Evening Stroll and Stargazing in a Parking Lot with a Vending Machine Snack: I decide I need a bit of fresh air to fully digest the day. I walk back towards the hotel and sit in the parking lot for an hour. It's surprisingly peaceful. The stars come out in their glory. I buy the last bag of Chips, and I feel less alone.
8:30 PM - Sleep… or At Least Try to Sleep: Bedtime.
Day 3: Departure and Lingering Questions
8:00 AM - Super 8 Breakfast - Take Two: Back at it again with the breakfast. sigh
9:00 AM - Last-Minute Thoughts and Packing (and Total Panic): I am heading out. This whole thing got into my head. I wonder what went wrong.
9:30 AM - Farewell to Ankeny: I hope I’ll be back. A final glance at the Super 8, and I'm off.
10:00 AM - Drive Away and the Aftermath: Drive home with the windows down. The cornfields whip past. I'm left with a strange sense of… peace? Iowa, you weird, wonderful place. You somehow, maybe, did what I needed.
Post-Trip Musings:
- Did I have fun? Sometimes.
- Would I go back? Maybe. Perhaps. If they had better pizza.
- What did I learn? That even in the most…ordinary places, there's a flicker of something real. And that a good bag of chips can solve a multitude of problems.
- Am I changed? Slightly. I now know how to navigate a water park in Iowa. Forever.
- I will never forget Adventureland.
- I will have to go to therapy now.
Disclaimer: This itinerary is not for the faint of heart. It is a raw, unedited glimpse into the chaotic beauty of a human traveling through Iowa. Good luck! And for the love of all that is holy, wear sunscreen.
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So, "Unbelievable Deals"? Is that like, sarcasm, or...?
What's the *actual* deal? Is the pool… swimmable?
The Breakfast... tell me about the breakfast. Is it, you know, food?
Okay, let's talk rooms. Cleanliness? Amenities? Are the beds… alive?
And what about the location? Is it actually close to Des Moines?
Let's go deep. What was the *vibe*? What was the overall experience like?
Okay, okay, I'm convinced. But what would you do differently if you went back?
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